The resentment of gay culture in heterosexual males is a topic that has not been publicly recognized as a serious issue in our society. Although, I realize that there are higher priorities that the LGBTTQ* community is fighting for, I feel obliged to share my thoughts on this issue. I have the permission of one of my friends, who will remain anonymous, to tell their story of the verbal and physical bullying he endured when peers at school labeled him as being gay. My friends story exemplifies the oppression of gay and lesbian persons by heterosexuals in our society. This is showing that oppression does occur in peoples in everyday lives; by having a dominant group oppress a subordinate group it forms a separation between the two groups (Mullaly, B., 2007). It is important to bring attention to all stigmas against the LGBTTQ* community and to also see a different perspective of homophobic bullying on heterosexual males. I started this interview by asking my friend what his first homophobic experience was and my friend responded with this,
“When I was in grade six, I had just moved into the province and there was a group of boys that had singled me out from everyone else in my class. This particular week in school, my class was learning about sex, so the group of boys decided to start calling me gay. The group of boys would even follow me around the school during the lunch hour and would physically harass me. After a while everyone in my class started calling me homophobic slurs. I knew I was not gay but there was nothing I could do to stop them. I felt humiliated about something I could not change.”
I then went on to ask my friend how did this verbal abuse affected him at that point in time and he responded by saying “I started to believe that something was wrong with me. I started to become depressed and did not want to leave my room. I would even try to fake sick because I did not want to go to school.” This shows just how the oppression between dominant and subordinate groups keeps their relationships separate. When an individual differs from the dominant group’s norms, the outcome is to maintain their separate beliefs. In order to achieve this, the dominant group must publicly express their disbeliefs, therefore oppressing the subordinate group.
My friend continued on telling me about how his parents figured out that he was depressed, and that he eventually told them about the bullying that was happening in his class. His parents then went to the principal and explained that there son was being bullied He was then moved to a different class room for the remainder of the school year. Although my friend eventually started to fit in at school and made friends, he has now been diagnosed with severe depression that he is taking anti-depressants for. This shows the lasting effects that oppression can have on an individual at a tender age.
After fully understanding what my friend had gone through during this time in his life and seeing how it still was effecting his life, it opened my eyes to the lasting effects of oppression on youths. When youths are faced with the oppression of gay and lesbian persons by heterosexual peers, they are increasingly at risk to develop a mental illness. Youth who are bullied for sexual orientation are likely to have more emotional and behavioral difficulties, higher symptoms of depression, more hostile peer environments, greater rates of bullying, and less social supports (Bully Free Alberta, 2005). Although my friend was not actually apart of the LGBTTQ* community he was affected by the stigmas and oppression that the LGBTTQ* community faces on an everyday basis. This shows that although our society puts labels on different groups of people, it does not necessarily mean that individuals cannot be affected by the oppressions of groups that they do not belong to.
All in all in order for society to stop the effects of oppression on persons in general, we need to change the norms of the dominant group. This statement comes from the picture that I have attached to my blog post. The picture shows a young female who is teaching her class about a quote by Frank Zappa that says “Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.” This picture symbolizes to me that society needs to stop the oppression of all groups that deviate from the dominant group’s norms, starting with what we teach our youth. This is exactly what the LGBTTQ* community is fighting for, acceptance from society. When and if this is ever achieved in society other children will not have to face the same oppression that my friend has in the past, thus ceasing the mental illness that results from oppression.
-Chandra B
References
Mullaly, B. (2007). The New Structural Social Work (3rd ed.). Don Mills, Ontario: Oxford University Press Canada.
Bully Free Alberta. (2005). Homophobic Bullying. Retrieved from:
http://www.bullyfreealberta.ca/homophobic_bullying.htm#4
Image retrieved from: http://i.imgur.com/zkOaM
This blog really resonated with me. My son experienced bullying like this. However, unlike your friend, when we went to the principle, we were given "lip service". She said they had a zero tolerance policy concerning bullying. She said she checked up on the teacher (who was also bullying my son). She talked to the bullies, and my son, together, to help them work it out. What happened was, the bullying got worse. My son didn't feel safe at all, because at school the adults didn't protect him, and they tried to make HIM be part of the solution. He was also critisized as "being no better than the bullies" because he had tried to stick up for himself. He didn't get any school work done during the day because of needing to just cope. Then at night, his father made him sit at the kitchen table until all the work was done, perfectly. The kid didn't have a normal kid life at all.
ReplyDeleteI pulled him out of school for a year and a half. That really helped him. He still gets triggered by school, and still has PTSD as a result of those experiences. However, he is doing pretty well in spite of that. He's a musician, which is a great emotional outlet for him. He goes to a group for youth with mood disorders, which really helps. He also grew to 6'5", so he doesn't get bullied physically. He also sticks up for the underdog at school, defending them against the SAME boys who bullied HIM. He didn't turn to drugs or alcohol, he's very responsible, and I'm no longer with his dad, so he has a "normal" home life now.
It's amazing how things like this affect a whole family. Thankfully, my son is alive (he didn't want to live for a while there). I still have alot of personal pain regarding the feeling of powerlessness I felt when I learned about all that was happening. It's been over 5 years since I pulled him out and homeschooled him, yet he is still remembering things he has repressed from that time. His relationship with his dad is strained because his dad blamed HIM for the problems, rather than rescuing him from them. My son still has trouble dealing with math, the subject he was most bullied about by his teacher and his father. He dissociates, and feels foggy, has trouble concentrating, so he keeps failing, which contributes to his overall feeling of being a failure and/or the idea that he doesn't subscribe to the rules of society. The ripples go on....
Thanks for writing about this. :)
Bambi
I really enjoyed reading this. I believe that bullying, may it be in regards to sexual orientation, appearance, social class et cetera, will have a lasting impression on the person who is being bullied. It is so sad to think that nowadays not only has there been more of an awareness in regards to bullying, but also bullying has increased due to the commonality of the internet. I have also noticed that people are generally hesitant to stand up for something or someone in situations like this, and I have not been able to figure out why.
ReplyDelete@Bambi, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's experiences, but it sounds like he has come a long way. I'm sure he is an amazing young man. :)
Alyssa