Her Story

For this particular blog entry, my friend agreed to tell her story about the struggles she has faced by being a bisexual female. For the purposes of keeping her identify anonymous I will always refer to her as “my friend”. She has been in a relationship with a girl for over six months and said she has found love. The only problem in her story is the fact that something that is suppose to bring joy and happiness in her life is also bringing pain and suffering. She has not told many of her friends and she has not told her significant family members in fear of how they will react.  I asked her if there was ever a time she was going to tell them and she responded with this, 

“My mom had suspected one time that I was bisexual and brought it up to me one night when the rest of my family was out. I thought to myself in that moment, if there was ever a time to tell her this would be it. But I couldn’t do it. I was not ready for her to know because I had no idea how she was going to react to the idea of her daughter being bisexual. A couple of days later the subject of lesbians and gays was brought up at the dinner table. I will never forget what she said at the table. She said that she could never be friends with a lesbian. She said that they should not be allowed to marry. She said that it wasn’t right. She told me the only reason why a girl is in a relationship with another girl is because they either were previously in a terrible relationship or they have not met the right guy.”  

She continued to tell me that it hurt so badly because her mother accepted her “for who she thought she was instead of who she actually is.”  That sentence resonated with in me for the particular reason that we are brought up thinking that our parents accept us no matter what. They love us for who we are. But in this case, that long held belief was not true. 

After hearing my friend tell me this story I felt complete disbelief of the countered thoughts on lesbians and gays some people held, as well as complete understanding as to why she has not told her family members of her true identity.  

Later on I asked her what was the worst thing that could happen if she told her parents that she was a bisexual.  She replied with, “probably kick me out of the house. After telling my mom something like that she would never be able to be my mom again. “

 Because of the constant lie she was living around her family members and some of her close friends, she was later diagnosed with depression. 

Looking at the number and percentages of gay, lesbian and bisexual persons with a mental illness, I was not particularly surprised. Statistics Canada found that the number of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals were three times higher than homosexuals to experience discrimination (Statistics Canada, 2011).  It was also found that 1 in 10 hate crimes are motivated by sexual orientation (Statistics Canada, 2011). Along with that finding, it was also noted by Statistics Canada that 56% of hate crimes that are motivated by sexual orientation are marked by violence (Statistics Canada, 2011).  From the Canadian Psychological Association it was found that gays and lesbians have higher rates in attempting suicide and higher incident rates in some mental disorders than heterosexuals (DeAngelis, 2002). It was noted that discrimination may have fueled these higher rates (DeAngelis, 2002).  It is because of stories like this that I begin to understand why these facts and percentages are the way they are.  The idea that being homosexual is wrong or immoral is a belief held by more people than I expected. 

Pressure from friends, family members, and society to stay with in the realm of normal can have such an impact on an individual to conform to the status quo; in this case to be a heterosexual female. That pressure can be so grave that the main motivator to hide one’s identity is fear. In my friends’ case her motivator to hide was fear of anger, disappointment and fear of losing the relationship with her family members. It is so hard to believe that someone’s sexual orientation has such an impact on other people.  It was noted in Statistics Canada that lesbians that are “out” have the same level of mental health as those that are heterosexual (DeAngelis, 2002). Thus, one of the catalyst’s for suffering a mental illness is keeping it disclosed. Therefore somehow are thoughts on lesbians, gays, and bisexuals need to change so those that associate with these terms do not feel the fear that was previously described. 

I would hope that if I told my mom that I was a bisexual that she would be okay with it; that she would love me just as much as before I told her that information. In a hopeful world she would still see me as me, but in a realist world I know I would mostly likely suffer the same fate as my friend. 

-Morgan Jones

References

DeAngelis, T. (2002). New data on lesbian, gay, and bisexual mental health. Canadian Psychological Association, 33(2), 46.

Druzin, P., Shrier, L., & Yacowar, M. (1998). Discrimination against gay, lesbian, and bisexual family physicians by patients. Canadian Medical Association, 158(5), 593-597.




Statistics Canada. (2011). Gay pride...by the numbers. Retrieved from:
http://www.statcan.ca/smr08/smr08_118-eng.htm